1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
