Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
