just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
