I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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