I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
