I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I only lived at night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
