I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
