Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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