Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
