I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
