like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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