In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
