i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
