She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
