the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
