this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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