My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
