I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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