He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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