sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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