It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
