I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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