did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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