no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
