im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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