The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
