What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
