Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
