i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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