capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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