So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
