4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
