just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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