Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
