Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize