Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
