So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
