I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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