I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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