this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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