Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Swine flu is the new snow day.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
