Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
