one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
