Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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