This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
