I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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