Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
