The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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