Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
