don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
