He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
