my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
