they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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