Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
