I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
