An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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