so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
