She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
