Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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