i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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