No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
