why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
