i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
