But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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