what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
