My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
