I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
